Behind the Curtain

A few of you have asked how I can write. 

 Now, at a time like this? 

Sometimes I ask myself how all my bumbling thoughts make it past my cloudy mind and shaking hands to hit the keys in just the right order. Ha, as I accidentally type "write order" instead of "right order." Yes, cloudy head full of mush.

I used to write more. A few short stories, lists, comments, thoughts and lots of letters. Random bits of my life now scattered through various hard drives and boxes of memories. Writing helps. I haven't done it in a long time but I am finding it's my way of coping ... of venting ... of sharing.

However, in the midst of all this, I have asked myself ... do I share to much? Do I rely on you to much? To read what I write, to burden you with my heart.

Not coincidentally (I don't believe in coincidence anymore - let's call it serendipity instead), I recently read this post by Corinne of So September. How small the world has become through this thing called blogging. She writes about how we can know so much about each other, and then not know how much to say in our comments or email. Can blogging and commenting (or not) make for mostly one-sided relationships? I think not ... not by your responses to my recent posts. I know you can't comment every time. But trust me, every time you do it helps me to know you each a little better.

Is it too much?
to ask ... to share ... to want ... to give

But this is, after all, my blog ... my patchwork blog ... maybe it's a patchwork of my life.

Ok, so you ask

"Where IS the PATCHWORK?"

It's here! I promise. 

Honestly, I haven't felt like much but a few projects have surfaced on their own and so I haven't been able to ignore them. As usual I have more than one project in the works.

... One is by hand, well actually it's several. Embroidered memories of Saskia and Arne for their godparents and grandparents (although I'm still struggling with the last ones).  Somehow as they acknowledge (or not) that our hopes and dreams have been dashed I don't think it has hit them that two (more) grandchildren were born. Born and snatched from us before they even got a chance to
say hello.

Saskia and Arne weren't just brother and sister. 

They were more than just our daughter and son! (sorry, feel the need to shout here). 

They were also grandchildren, nieces, nephews and cousins!

I can't explain why it's so hard to accept that no one has asked ...
... under "normal" circumstances they would have.

... so just for the record ...

... for here and now ... 

Saskia looked just like her daddy. She had his sweet round childish face and definitely his nose. Axel dreamed a few weeks ago that she had my eyes and hair. But sadly her eyes were closed so I will just trust him that she did.

Arne had a tear in his eye when the nurse gave him to me. His nose was mine ... and my dad's ... running the straight and narrow in his beautiful long face. They were beautiful. They were
perfect.

Just as we dreamed. 

I won't get started on their hands and feet. Oh, their feet - those poor kids. Saskia's were HUGE! Bigger than Arne's. Their footprints resemble ours. One had my toes, the other Axel's.

How is this possible? 

They were so perfect ...

So, funnily enough, my second project has to do with privacy. Curtains. For my office / atelier. I have huge north-facing windows that are directly on the street. Every passing soul walks past my front window. It's a huge window - I'd show you a pic but remember that computer problem? Well it hasn't gone away. Thank goodness I can use my laptop as a backup for blogging and emails.  But those icky ucky landlord-grade grey sheers needed to go. They provided no privacy. If I worked in my office in the evenings you could see right through. I felt like I was in a fishbowl. They also provide no warmth. Not a good thing for north facing windows in wintry Belgium. So the window treatment will eventually involve "layers." I'm patching up the first layer now. Inspired by this and this, by the lovely Victoria of The Silly BooDilly. My interpretation is turning out beautiful (if I say so myself) and I promise to share soon.

And then there's the third project. Honestly I had NO intention of starting another quilt. Sewing isn't easy right now. But I do find it helping too. My thoughts tumble through my head while I sew. Sometimes taking shape sometimes dissipating before I know what they are. But most of my writing is drafted in front of the sewing machine.

So I've made a bunch of these blocks. More than a dozen already - they're quite quick. 

Can you guess what they're for?

And in the meantime more blocks have arrived from friends here in Belgium ... as well as two lovely scented sachets from Aisling (darn no pic) must take one tomorrow!

Thank you again.

For letting me vent and share.

xox Jovita

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