Thursday, March 8, 2012

[im]Possibilities

Yesterday was FULL of a lot of anger ... 

Which in turn fuelled an exercise in futility ...  

And questions. 

Lots of questions 

How can it be possible to laugh and cry at the same time?
     ~ never mind that this phenomenon almost always occurs just when one's mouth is full of food

How can it be possible for one email to say so much?

How can it be possible that when everything else is going wrong ... my computer goes on the blink too?

How can it be possible that it took me 40 years to realise that, yes indeed, water is thicker than blood?
     ~ honest, it's true ... No matter how many times they tell you just the opposite.

How can it be possible for one email to say so little?

How is it possible to feel ... one day so full of hope and joy and the next so full of emptiness and despair?
     ~ is it possible to feel full of emptiness?

How can it be possible, when I have reached my darkest hour, that someone I hold dear can remind me to keep doing what I do best?
     ~ and then everything feels alright for awhile, but only just a while

... And then it all comes flooding back ...

And how, just how, can it be possible to be so completely surrounded by love and yet feel so very terribly alone.

Thankfully I know better than to go down the path of why ... there's no point.
For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. ~ Jeremiah 29:11 
But there is another long, very long, list of whens?, wheres? and hows?.

And I know there are no answers.  

Not yet.  

And I begin again with when ...

But not until I've checked the mailbox ... these came today ... and give me new hope for tomorrow.


Every day is a new day. 

The sun will continue to rise and set. 

Eventually my fear of going to sleep will fade and I'll be able to embrace the mornings again. 

But for now I'll just curl up in my husband's arms and cry.

How can it be possible to cry so many tears ... surely they are not an endless supply.

They must dry up ... eventually ...
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3 comments:

  1. My dear, darling Jovita. My question is: How can you be so eloquent and thoughtful just ten days after the most traumatic event in the lives of you and Axel? You continue to amaze me with your writings and you ability to express the depth of your emotions. I think I get the "water is thicker than blood..." Please know that this bag of water LOVES YOU!! I'm still thinkin' I may need to plan a trip to Belgium when you're feeling up to it. Maybe Axel could point me in the direction of some of the sites to which I'd like to return in Germany, where I haven't been since being an exchange student in 1973! (Please don't tell me how young you were in 1973!) I'm sending tons of loving hugs to you and Axel, dear friend. Deb XOXOXO

    ReplyDelete
  2. you are loved and with love comes healing. Take care and keep Axel informed of your emotions!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Lieve jovita en man,

    Wat een vreselijk verlies moeten jullie samen verwerken, ik wens jullie Gods nabijheid toe, en ik hoop dat je die ook zult ervaren! Want bij Hem kun je het beste schuilen! Hij weet hoe jullie je nu voelen! Ik zal voor jullie bidden.

    God bless you!

    Groeten
    Ingeborg

    Wij hebben elkaar ontmoet in Brielle bij atelier quiltgebeuren op een blogger dag.

    ReplyDelete

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