The Shoulders of Yesterday

Jeebers, yesterday was a doozy. And I'm sorry if it felt like it came from no where. To be honest I felt it coming. I felt it last week when walking to the car for a day of errands my eyes welled up. It went away and the day proceeded without a hitch. Some success on the shopping front some not-so. All in all a rather uneventful day.

Last weekend we painted the kitchen. It went along fine and I actually did more than I planned. Axel sat down at the table with the iPad and worked on some tour planning for customers visiting in September and I cut around all the edges and put a first coat on every single wall. A beautiful clean slate - perfect for snapping a pic of these lovely blooms.

Monday .. eh, I worked on taxes. 

I did pretty good. 

But I was tired. 

I haven't been sleeping again.

Tuesday - yesterday - I woke up too early again. 

From a nightmare. 

Ugh. 

And then it all steamrolled. 

Every . single . little . thing made me cry.

I slept better last night and am doing better today.

I know some of it is hormones. 

I know some of it is not knowing. 

I hate feeling this way. 

I have never liked rollercoasters. 

And I miss me. 

I miss my confidence. 

I despise my doubts. 

I am frustrated by everything.

But there are good things afoot too. The house is looking good. I'm putting some of my pointless energy into sprucing it up. It never happened here. We moved in when I was pregnant the first time. Two weeks later I miscarried. This house has never gotten the attention it deserves. And it's time to make it more of a home. One step at a time.

We're also planning a get away. In May. I can hardly wait. Eight nights, nine days away. It will be a lot of driving but we're looking forward to it. I'll tell you more soon. But for now .. have you been here? We'd love any advise!

 

So to all of you who said a prayer, held us in your thoughts, dropped a line or commented on yesterdays post ~ THANK YOU!

I'll be ok. I promise.

Rest assured. 

There are good days and bad days. 

Most weeks have more good days than bad days.

My favorite part about roller coasters is getting off. I can handle the level parts. Deal with the corners. The highs reveal some wonderful views. But the lows ... oh the lows. Not a fan. The dips I can deal with but the lows physically hurt. So I will do my best to ride this one out. And wait for my turn to get off. I know it will come. With patience. 

Thanks for holding my hand and giving me the courage to ride it out.

I promise to tell you about the frogs soon.

shoulders .. those things you find on either side of something. 
your head, the street, seasons .. you get the idea

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